It’s crazy what a transition in life can do to you. Dissatisfaction burgeons on you, that you take the malevolent step. When a change is evident, you mitigate your emotions, and believe in the conveniently cogent idea, that you will be just fine. But until you really make the transition and look back and until you really take that step, you don’t know anything. You think you’re mentally prepared to face the worse, but in reality you have to live it to beat it. Your mettle is really how you behave in the first couple of days of your transition, like after you have really gone through the change. But you know when it really hits you? It hits you, right between your eyes, when you’re put in a difficult situation, and forced to do nothing. All this while, it’s like a meteor which comes towards the earth at full speed. You really don’t know how big it’s going to be, or how bad is it going to be when it collides. What a treat to the eyes it is, to see a ball of fire travel through space. Isn’t it? But when it hits you, you feel the heat. These moments of silence, of inactivity and agony gives you immense opportunities to really contemplate on your present situation, which has had a drastic change. But when the physical conditions are against you, and you sit down to think what you’ve lost, you fall down. It’s that moment in life, when you think about all the things you could have done than be there, and all the life’s small things which you could’ve had, but you really don’t. And when these really small things seem extremely unachievable to the point of impossibility, you start breaking down. You are a misanthrope, because you blame the people for your state.
You don’t really think that that very moment in your life is a snapshot, a minute pixel in the extremely bigger picture that is called life. It’s basically a long elegy. There is one single purpose, and that cannot be derived from a single phrase. An average human being lives for an average of 70 years. That is a total of 2,207,520,000 seconds that an average human being lives. But most of the decisions that he makes are made in ONE of these 2 billion seconds. A decision to end one’s life, is never taken in 2 seconds, but is a decision that is taken in one second, and is implemented in the next. Situations exacerbate or get better in just one second. These moments are life changing, and your very perspective of existence can change in this one very second. It’s when you question the elementary purpose you were born for. These moments are extremely edgy, tense and mind blowing. And you know what the best part is? There is a two way possibility of every tense moment. One is that, a decision can be taken and the mind can be left to be eaten by dogs in that very moment, or the very next moment or the next second can be utilized to think about the previous one. What is easier? What is safer?
Life can be weird at times. The human body has mechanisms to behave like this. These symptoms are designed in a way that point towards the possibility that even the creator knew that these things will happen, when making the human design. If the creator knew, then we need to understand, that these tense moments are not errors in the blueprint of human existence. All this while, the creator knew. But then, the mind is not a machine. It has so many tools to decide what really the body goes through. It’s amazing how so many factors can together worsen, or nullify the issue at hand. It’s both voluntary and involuntary at the same time. You have some things, and you don’t have other things. Your life is such a mixture of random factors which decide how your two billion seconds pass by. It’s for you to decide, whether its stars or deed, or none. Did you deserve to be here? Did your decisions bring this change in your life? Does destiny play any role? Was this already decided for you, by somebody sitting above? Do we have any control of what’s gonna happen the next moment? Or is it all a happening of chance? Does this change, really change our inner self? It’s all in these seconds, that we give answers to all these questions. These moments of silence that we endure, decide how we take the inequities of life. It’s in these long milliseconds, that we decide that did we go through this for the greater good, or a momentary bad. It’s important that we decide what our worth is. Technically we are nothing but a bunch of muscle and bone, but these 2 billion seconds make us what we are.